As an avid, recovering people pleaser, I know first-hand how difficult it can be to put yourself first.
You feel guilty for saying no.
You question yourself and what you want.
You subconsciously feel selfish for putting your needs ahead of others.
When we start to set boundaries with ourselves and those around us, it creates momentum for creating the dream life we actually want to live, rather than allowing others to dictate how our lives should play out.
Need a push on why you should take the plunge to prioritise yourself?
Here are 7 things to remember on your journey of choosing yourself first.
- When you choose yourself first, you get to be your most authentic self.
From my personal experience, the people around me who inspire me most are the ones who are not afraid to go after what they want in life, even if the things they want seem wild to people around them.
Going after what you enjoy and love to do will inspire so many others to do the same.
- The people who are meant for you will naturally gravitate to you.
One piece of advice I heard recently which has stuck with me is that ‘people will only meet you as deep as they meet themselves.’
It’s okay to be at different stages in your lives and for people to come in and out of your life as a result. I’m a big believer that what is meant to be will come full circle, but you need to build a life for yourself first and one that truly brings you joy, rather than focusing on trying to please everyone around you.
- Not everyone is destined to keep a seat at your table.
Not everyone is going to agree with you.
But when we respect our own boundaries and needs, we create space for new opportunities to come into our lives that fit with our ideal idea of our lives. We begin to care less about other people’s opinions because we are living a life that is truly authentic and true.
- It’s important to remember to forgive yourself first.
On this journey of choosing yourself first, you’re going to make mistakes. You’re not going to get it right the first time.
It’s human nature to make mistakes [and similarly to beat ourselves up over these mistakes].
Use this time to be compassionate with yourself – it’s not going to be a perfect streamlined approach or journey to your new destination. There’s going to be speedbumps. But forgive yourself and keep it moving.
- You do not need to ever feel guilty for setting boundaries for yourself.
This goes without saying.
And no one should ever make you feel guilty for setting these boundaries either.
But when we’ve had these beliefs engrained in us for such a long time, maybe even decades, it’s natural to feel resistance to change. Start by getting comfortable with saying no to the small stuff and gradually build yourself up to the bigger things.
- No matter how good other people’s lives look on social media, remember we’re all creating highlight reels of the best moments.
No one has their life together [least of all me].
Not knowing what you want to do in life has a bad reputation, but it should be an exhilarating feeling. It means you’re no longer willing to put up with the life you’ve been living. It means you want more for yourself. It means you’re about to start doing things to level up your life.
Don’t fear change or the feeling of the unknown. After all, change is the only constant thing in our lives.
Living a life that is someone else’s idea of happiness, is not a life you want to be living.
- It’s okay to ask for help and support through the process.
Speaking from experience, choosing yourself and putting yourself on the self-development path can become a lonely process. Don’t make the mistake of isolating yourself too much at this time, especially at the beginning.
Reach out to people you feel comfortable with or who you can trust.
Or join groups and communities online to connect with people with similar interests.
If you remember one thing, it should be this: you have the power to create the life you want and deserve. Don’t let anyone tell you that going after what you want is selfish.
Follow @theweeklywoman for more wellbeing and mindful living tips.